Fuel!

Listen up, for I have something to say…

George Osborne MP, who is apparently the Chancellor Of The Exchequer (a rather grand title for someone who gets to fleece us all for taxes and shit), promised he would “put fuel into the tank of the British economy” in his last budget (fancy name for a made up list of numbers about money).

To achieve this lofty goal, he promised an immediate 1p cut in the price of fuel. I for one was utterly convinced that this would rescue us from the financial apocalypse visited upon us by a bunch of greedy w-w-w-bankers. So the day after Mr. Osborne’s generous cut in fuel prices I was a little surprised to see that a litre of unleaded was still priced at 144.9p rather than 143.9p per litre as I passed a local forecourt. Not to worry, I thought, Lewis is a little off the beaten track so it may take a day for the Chancellor’s promised cut to be applied, for surely he was being honest when he promised this financial windfall.

Time passed.

Followed by some more time.

No, no, I thought, the promised cut will materialise eventually. We give our politicians a hard time but they are basically honest and would never do anything to damage our faith in them. Would they?

Well, it is now almost a month since that budgetary promise was made and today was the first time I’ve put petrol in our car since the budget. And what a delightful experience that was. I’m sure you can all imagine how thrilled I was to discover I’d have to shell out 147.9p for each litre of fuel. I really was chuffed to bits!

Almost as chuffed as I was to discover that the man responsible for rescuing the British economy apparently once worked in Selfridges “re-folding towels” (whatever the fuck that means) and has a BA in Modern History! He’ll be a real financial wizard then!!!

Well, some kind of wizard anyway. All his promises about fuel cuts and filling tanks were clearly just political smoke and mirrors.

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