Of Hustings, Buffoons And White Shirts

The hustings are upon us once again as the UK trundles toward a May 6 General Election. Given the varied polls, I suspect it will be a close contest and that there may not be an outright winner leaving us with a hung parliament. Given that disgraceful mess that British politics has descended into that would perhaps be no bad thing.

[There is a brief pause whilst the author dons his cynical hat.]

Or would it actually make the slightest bit of difference? I suspect not, as we will all be subjected to more of the same-old-same-old no matter which party or coalition floats to the top of the political toilet bowl. During the coming weeks we will all be bamboozled by a flurry of empty promises and outright lies as the parties struggle for supremacy. And you can be sure that whatever manifesto is offered it will have disappeared into the shredder between May 6 and the reopening of the Westminster Dung Hill on May 18.

David Cameron is already chanting a mantra of change-change-change. I’ve just been watching him on the telly-box burbling away to a gathering of the faithful and telling them that this country needs change. Change? Well, quite. We do need a change. But it’s the whole bloody system that needs to change. It ain’t enough to just change the collection of twats at the top of the pile. We need a more representative voting system. If there has to be a second chamber then we need that changed so that it at least contains an assemblage of elected buffoons rather than the hereditary buffoons, religious buffoons, and promoted-cause there’s-nowhere-else-for-them-to-go buffoons that currently sit on those leather benches. We need a fair tax system that makes us all pay according to our means rather than one which favours the rich and powerful. We need proper investment to secure our energy future through use of renewable sources rather than blowing billions on this carbon capture crap – that really is just storing up problems for the future. We need a benefits system that gives benefit to those that need it rather than pandering to those who don’t. And all that adds up to more change than David Cameron, Gordon Brown, or anyone else would ever dare to offer whilst only scratching the surface of the change the country actually needs.

So yes, Mr Cameron, we do need change but I hope you are not the change we get! Though I have a change I’d like to suggest to you.

Cut out the fake working man shit with that open-collared white shirt and the rolled-up sleeves. Have you forgotten the wisdom imparted by that grand old statesman George W. Bush:

There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.

Going round without a tie, opening your collar, and rolling up your sleeves may be intended to make you look workman-like and as if you have the common touch but it doesn’t really work and does the rest of us a disservice. We all know about your well-to-do, Eton and Oxford educated background. There’s nothing wrong with a background like that by the way but it does mean you’ll never be a white-collar man so change out of that damn shirt and stop pretending to be one. It’s your policies and actions that will impress us not imagery.

Enough said!

PS Expect other politicians and their activities to get it in the neck over the coming weeks no matter what party they belong to.

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